Jason Smith
Mar 7, 2017
Edited: Apr 20, 2017

At Home Dad

I've been reading a lot lately about the rising number of dads who leave their jobs and act as the prime carer for their children whilst their wives go to work.

 

According to reports there are now more 2 million UK dads living this life.

 

Whilst it's great to see so many dads taking a hands on role in their children's upbringing it's not so great to read about the stigma attached to fathers who do so.

 

I read about one dad who was accused of being emasculated live on daytime TV.

 

Whilst I haven't personally experienced any similar accusations, it does make me wonder what some old and new friends think of me and my lifestyle. It was a lot easier to answer the question 'what do you do?'' when I had a job title and employer.

 

I can empathise with the 'that's weird' view.

 

Let's face it, society teaches us that the manly thing to do is go out and earn the money, not be at home changing nappies or doing school runs.

 

I've also read about the loneliness and depression many at home dads feel.

 

This I can definitely relate to. The biggest thing I miss from leaving full time employment is the daily social interaction I enjoyed with colleagues. Now there are some days when I don't have any real adult social interaction at all.

 

But if I compare this to my previous lifestyle, leaving my son with a (brilliant) nanny before he wakes and occassionally getting home just in time to catch him still up, I realise how lucky I am.

 

Now I am the biggest influence on my child.

 

We have a fabulous relationship, share loads of experiences, do loads of things and laugh a lot . We do homework together, I get to every school sports match, event or production and take him to all of his after school activities and clubs. I am totally involved and able to influence and nurture him in a way many dads would like.

 

I can't say I haven't experienced depression, questioned my self worth or worried about what others might think. Sometimes these emotions have lasted a long time and on one occasion I did seek professional help. I also acknowledge I may have to do so again.

 

But today I'm happy being the luckiest dad in the world.

 

 

 

2 comments0 replies
dave_richardson
Apr 21, 2017

A very helpful article and I can relate to all your points.

Work used to take me away from my family for weeks or months at a time. The money was good, we had an excellent nanny but the strain of me being away from my wife and two young kids became too much.

I became primary carer 7 months ago and while it hasn't been a walk in the park, I have enjoyed being at home and importantly not missing all the school plays, etc. My wife and family are also happier.

For me, the hardest bit is the social pressure on me for not going out to work. There is a toddler group in our village and in all fairness the mums in the village are great at welcoming me in but I am still conscious that I am the only Dad there.

There is a story time in said group and sometimes the person telling the story will ask all the 'mummies' to gather around with their children. I know it isn't directed at me but it does make me feel self conscious. In reality the 'mummies' are actually a group of nannies, child carers and grandparents- actual 'mummies' are in the minority.

Anyway, the only reason I go is my daughter enjoys it... I quite like the social aspect and the coffee and biscuits are great!

1
jasonssmith
Apr 21, 2017

Thanks for your comments Dave!

 

I always love the school/ class coffee morning invites starting 'Hi Ladies!'

 

I'm sure most of us at home dads have similar experiences, and the more we talk about them, the more we can help ourselves and others.

 

I am convinced making the move is a positive step but, as you say, it's not a walk in the park.

 

Please feel free to post your thoughts, experiences and views in the forum.

 

As you can probably tell it's a new site but the more content gets added, the more useful it becomes.

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